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TW feeling suicidal
So I fucked up. When am I not fucking up though?
I smoked in my car. And then went straight in and I smelled bad enough the land lord came down. And we agreed no smoking and bi vaping. He was livid. I lied so much. And not well. And I’m so so so high. I legit had like 3 break downs while we fought.
He hates us but definitely me. If we get kicked out bc I’m a pot head he may dump me.
I had a bowl of fruit on the counter but I’ll have to pop it in the fridge. I’m not going to allow myself to eat for at least 24 hours. I’ve never done a full 24.
I think i might cut. I hate myself so so much. Oh my god. Im such a disappointment. I hate myself.
I need to use this to improve. If he deserves a better girlfriend ill be better. Im going to clean my pipes again. Do the dishes. Shower. Move my weed.
Im so scared i ruined everything. Again.
I never should have existed, i was a mistake. And instead of improving and proving them wrong im proving them right.
